I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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