SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
