Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize