your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
