Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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