If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
