Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
