So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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