Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
