I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
