This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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