we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
