What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
