He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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