dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
