I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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