Please, let me fuck your mom
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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