It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We need to get me chipped asap
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
