the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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