I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
