my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
