I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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