i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
being pregnant is like rehab
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Randomize
