hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This house was built for laser tag.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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