the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
