I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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