I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
