i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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