They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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