I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
