He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
