I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The beer is more important than you right now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
