he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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