Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
