Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
