There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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