Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize