You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
