I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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