At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Houston, we have a squirter
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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