My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
