3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think I died a long time ago.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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