her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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