You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
