She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
