erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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