yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
