I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
