I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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