The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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