All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize