I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your cock deserves a montage
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
