OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
