I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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