she told me i tasted like america
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
