U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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