is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
