i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize