That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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