I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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