you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
