Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize