Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
