Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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