I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
