They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
