Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
