Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my shit smells like andre
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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