You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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