No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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