i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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