So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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