I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize